Counting down

It's official, I have less than two weeks until my surgery. I'm so scared and yet excited. I'm tired of the constant pain. I cleaned my tub last week and my back was especially painful for three days after. I can't wait until I can live a normal life, and do normal things without worrying about how much pain I'll be in. I'm tired of going to bed with my back aching. I'm tired of getting up slowly from my bed and having to pause because of the pain. The fact that surgery may end that is so exciting. Of course, to get there I have to have surgery, which will probably cause me to be in a level of pain that I've never experienced before. And that's if the surgery goes well, if it doesn't then I may be paralyzed or incontinent or I could be in more pain than I am in now.

Every time that I think of surgery, my stomach feels like it's dropped. I know that has far as genetic disorder go I could have it worst than Schwannomatosis and I try to remind myself that but I still wish I didn't have it. I can only hope that this is my only battle and I won't get cancer , or any other genetic disorder or disease. I guess, I'll find out in the next couple of years.